awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
