My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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