Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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