I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
