when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
