Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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