Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
