I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
whose parrot is this?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
