Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
