He uses pillows to masturbate.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
