I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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