I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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