I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
