This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
