i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
