you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
