i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
