it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
