puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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