We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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