Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
