i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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