wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
