I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
