my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
