dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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