He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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