Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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