You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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