You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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