So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
