Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
