Your face is a jimmy john
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
