so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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