I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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