you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
