i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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