I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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