He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
