I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
