and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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