your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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