Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
