How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
