I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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