You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
