Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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