Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
