I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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