He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
