Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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